Friday, August 10, 2012

One week down

seventeen to go.

So I'm now into week two.  Chemo started last Thursday.  Neulasta shot was Friday.  Saturday took A shopping for school clothes in Joliet.  Missed a really bad storm at home.  R called me and actually told me to stay at the mall!!  It was pretty bad here, lots of trees down, friend P lost both her parkway trees, and our next door neighbor lost one as well.  We didn't lose anything, so we got lucky.  On the way home my arms started to hurt.  Most common side effect of Neulasta (which is used to boost WBC production and prevent infection) is bone pain. Check. Arm, leg and hip pain lasted til Monday, yeah me. 

I forgot to mention that before chemo I went to the shop associated with the oncologist that supplies wigs and accessories.   I brought the kids with so they could help pick out my new look.  They weren't interested in mommy looking "different".  D found a nice wig that looked alot like my hair.  So that's what we ordered.  It was delivered last week.  My hair is still intact, but at least I'll have it when I need it.  I have been assured that it will be gone before my next treatment in 2 weeks.  FYI, wigs are not covered by insurance.  Retail on this bad boy was $589.  Luckily the shop had a grant from Shorewood Family Dental that covered the cost for me.  Gotta send them a big thank you note.

Saw the onc on Thursday for a checkup.  He said I need to stop losing weight-I have never been told that before :)  Even with the shot my WBC count was low, so trying to avoid people and germs.  RBC were a bit low, so that explains the tiredness.  Most food tastes like crap.  Meat is the worst.  That is very disappointing to me.  I drink a lot of milk, and eat alot of Stella Dora Swiss Fudge cookies and cereal, mainly Rice Krispies or Capn Crunch :)  Anything with fat really upsets my system.  The digestive upset is the most obvious, and annoying, side effect.  The onc still did not have the MRI report, from July 19-20.  Had a PET scan Thursday afternoon, so still waiting on those results. 

Called the CEO of the hospital to complain about the MRI test results not being in.  His secretary got right on it.  Got no less than 4 calls from various people at the hospital indicating I would have results no later than Monday.  Turns out since the breast MRI is new to the hospital they were sending out all abnormals and it was taking longer than expected.  BFF called me at 7:30 to say she had the results and was faxing them to me.  She was surprised it got done so fast. 

So now comes the confusing part.  MRI does not indicate lymph node involvement.  But does show "suspicious" areas in the left breast.  Called back BFF to talk to doc.  "Do I need chemo if no node involvement?"  Yes.  "Why?"  If you were my wife I would make you go through it.  Whatever this is. it is very aggressive-it was not there 7 months ago, and now it's big and maybe in both sides.  I don't want you in 4 years if shows up somewhere else,  to tell me I wish we had...  I felt much better after we talked.  I know I'm in good hands.  He is still waiting on BRCA results.

So, we continue with the current plan, but I feel better knowing it was not detected in the lymph nodes, I feel like the chance of it spreading is now much much smaller-that was my biggest concern.  I will admit to feeling sorry for myself Monday-Tuesday this past week.  My tummy was upset, I was soooo tired.  I felt useless.  I am not a weak person, .but I felt weak and useless.  I don't do sick very well .  But feeling pretty close to normal most of the time the past couple of days.

I also have to say I am married to the most amazing man.  I don't really know how hard this is on him.  I know he has been talking to people he knows who have been giving him some good advice.  He knows me so well, he knows when to push me, and usually when to back off.  He will get me through this.  I don't think I could do it without him.  I don't tell him I love him enough.  You should all tell your spouses how much you love them and how much they mean to you.  You really don't realize it until something like this happens.  I think we tend to take the people we love for granted.  We should stop that. 

I am a bit worried about A.  She was very sad and upset when I didn't feel well the beginning of the week.  She cried and told me she didn't like seeing me sick.  That was hard.  My baby shouldn't have to worry about her mommy being sick.  She should only be worrying about starting high school.  She has been a big help around the house, but that's not her job either.  I have to take time to spend just with her, and reassure her that her mommy really is OK, even if I sometimes don't act like myself.  The good thing is that she is so close to her dad, and they talk about everything, and she is very honest with him about what she is feeling, so she won't be keeping her feelings in. 

The brothers had basketball camp at school this week.  I saw their 5th grade teacher and told her what was going on.  She was shocked.  I told her I won't be able to help at all first semester.  That was hard.  I've always been so involved in their classrooms, so missing so much will be difficult, but there's always second semester.  I will miss not being able to help and not being around, but maybe it's time to start stepping back anyway, they are in 5th grade after all. 

So that's all for now.  Chemo is in 2 weeks, and nothing scheduled before that.  I have a 2 day meeting at work next week, and we start the 21st, with students starting on Friday, the day after chemo.  I think getting back to work will be good for me too, less time to sit around and think.  Got to keep my mind occupied. 

It's all good.

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